I happened to be over at bakkah.net and one fatwa caught my eye. Mind you, normally, I do not seek out bakkah.net for fatawa. I just happened to be there. Anyway, when I was reading this particular fatwa that actually made a hukm allowing a brother the right to deceive potential wives by withholding his marital status a sense of sadness overcame me, a defeated feeling and I immediately had sought Allah's protection. However, still I am left feeling like a piece of me is being chipped away by these sort of injustices. I have nothing but respect for professors of Islam in the mumlaka like Shaykh Bazmool hafidhahullah, but as a Muslim woman I am tired of being disappointed by those whom Allah has given authority to. Do Muslim men still love, honor and protect Muslim women? Or are we as Muslim women doomed to lose our rights, respect and position in this ummah like those monothesist women who preceeded us? Allahul Musta'an. I don't know what the future holds but as I prepare to bring my first child into this ummah I can do nothing but pray with all of my might that he is able to grow up into a man that will have pride for this deen and love the Muslims that moves him to fight to uphold his sisters as best as he can.
To have husnul thun for the shaykh hafidhahullah who answered the question, no arabic text nor sound nor any evidences accompany the fatwa that was posted. So may be inshallah what I have read is not all that was stated. Maybe I am mistaked. I hope I am. Can you all read it? May be there is another way to look at it? May be I am missing something and it is not what it appears to be? May be someone has a different fatwa on the issue...
Sad thing is I know many brothers from the streets of North Philadelphia or Newark or Baltimore have already read it and taken it as the gospel without researching it. Can't you hear them talking,
"...yea, ock, you don't need to let that bint know nothing about your other bint and kids. Didn't you read that fatwa on bakkah.net from shaykh baaazmool? Don't let her wali punk you. Tell him to fear Allah. Once yall make it halal it ain't none his business no how..."
Allahul Musta'an.
QUESTION
If a man wants to take a second wife, is it permissible for him to not mention the fact that he is already married? And if he does not tell the second wife about the existing first marriage, is his marriage to the second woman valid?
ANSWER by Shaykh Muhammad 'Umar Baazmool, instructor at Umm Al-Quraa University in Makkah
It is not a required condition to marry a second wife that one must inform her of an existing marriage. However, from good manners of living together, and from the ettiquettes of cooperation upon good things, is that she should be informed. I am not saying that a man must seek permission from his wife (to marry a second wife), but she should be informed.
And the man must fear Allaah, the Glorified and Exalted, regarding his first wife and he must act justly between them. The Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) mentioned a man who will come on the Day of Judgement and one side of his face will be dropped to the ground, a result of his lack of fairnes between his wives. [1]
So we advise this man to fear Allaah, the Glorified and Exalted, regarding his first wife, and to be sure that he acts justly between them.
His marriage to the second wife is valid, even if he did not inform the first wife, or let the second wife know. But from kind interaction and mutual cooperation upon good affairs, he should make her aware, and Allaah knows best.
SOURCE
This was translated exclusively for www.bakkah.net from a cassette recording with the knowledge and permission of the shaykh, file no. AAMB016, dated 1423/6/25.
Ayaat on deception
Allah-Him from Whom nothing is hidden, either on Earth or in
Heaven. (Surah Al 'Imran, 3:5)
Do you not see that Allah knows what is in the heavens and on
Earth?Three men cannot confer together secretly without Him being the fourth of them, or five without Him being the sixth of them, or fewer than that or more without Him being with them wherever they are. Then He will inform them on the Day of Rising of what they did. Allah has knowledge of all things. (Surat al-Mujadala, 58:7)
Do they not know that Allah knows what they keep secret and what they make public? (Surat al-Baqara, 2:77)
He knows the eyes' deceit and what people's breasts conceal.(Surah Ghafir, 40:19)
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20 comments:
As Salaamu Alaikum Musleema:
I have read this fatwa before and I am familiar with it. It isn’t exactly how you are viewing it. There is no daleel that states that a man has to inform any wife that he is married or is getting married. HOWEVER, I have never read or heard anything from a major student of knowledge or from the ‘Ulamaa that state that this is the ideal. They simply say he does not have to do it based upon what was done in the time of the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, in regards to this issue. The daleel that I know is that the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alahi wa sallam, got married while on a journey and of course his other wives were not there for him to inform them of his marriage so they did not find out until he returned. We will find in many of the Prophet’s actions, sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, daleel against or for a particular action. But even inside of this, we know the wives of the Prophet, radiyallahu anhunna were not informed due to circumstance, and NOT do to the fact that he was trying to hide a marriage like the brothers do nowadays. Its all about fearing Allah and Sheikh Bazmool mentioned this throughout his answer.
In reading this, I noticed that the question that was asked was not in line with the answer the Sheikh gave. The question was in regards to telling a potential second or concurrent wife about a current wife and does this invalidate the marriage. The Sheikh answered from the standpoint of it is not an obligation upon the man to seek PERMISSION from his first wife or wives to marry. And this is true; there is no daleel to support that. But he mentions, just as others have mentioned before him, that the BEST thing to do is to let your other wife or wives know in order to preserve the good in all marriages. And he continued to command the men to fear Allah.
Another point he made in his answer is that a man does not have to tell a women he is already married. The only reason he said this from my own research, and I have no knowledge, is because there is simply no daleel that states he has to disclose this. But this does not negate the point that if a brother is asked point blank is he married and he lies that this should be acceptable. Do you see the difference? He is not advocating for men to do this. He is only stating that there isn’t any daleel against this issue. This same rule applies to a women revealing to a potential husband if she is a virgin or not. She is not under any obligation to let him know that. A man would have to ASK a woman if she is a virgin or not. It is not waajib upon a women to outright say if she is a virgin or not. It is because there is no daleel that states that a women MUST state if she is or is not a virgin. Imagine how many feathers were ruffled over that one!?!?
The ignorant brothers who will ignore the Sheikh’s call for them to fear Allah won’t follow the Sheikhs real advice and this is to be honest and not hide anything from his women folk. He stresses that this is important. We can find in that that he and other scholars do not advocate this behavior but there is no daleel against it. Brothers who want to do what they want to do anyway will do something like this and only use a piece of the Sheikh’s answer or twist it up all together and do what they want to do. This is where the problem comes in. Brothers who have no taqwah will do what they want to do anyway, with daleel or not.
Please do not let this get to you. I know it’s hard because sometimes there is so much negativity out there in regards to marriage it makes many of us so bitter and cold. But we have to ALWAYS remember that Allah gave us our noble status in this Ummah not any these brothers whether they are good or not. We have to remember that no matter what Allah chose us over many of the ‘aalameen. We have to arm ourselves with the usool (foundation) of the Deen in order to see these issues for what they are. These are fatawa. We need fatawa in our lives but there is a popular thing amongst some of the Muslims that they ask for fatawa in a specific situation and then apply it as if it is general for everyone. I am not saying that the application here should not be general but yet again only the man who does not care about his wife or wives feeling will entirely leave them out of the loop that he is getting married when their lives are so intricately connected to his. Informing your wife is not the same as asking permission. This is why the Sheikh urged the men to fear Allah regarding this matter.
It is hard for us at times because we know there are weak brothers out there who are looking to use and abuse women through “loop holes” THEY created in the Deen due to their lack of knowledge and understanding. It is hard on the sisters who are married to a good brothers too because they never know when their good brother is going to go off the deep end and follow his desires after being the model husband and father. Wallahu musta’an.
As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullaah wa barakaatuh
Hey Musleemah, you still pregnant girl? I was sure you would have delivered by now. Inshaa Allaah bi salaamah.
Thekiyyah's right. The shaikh is clearly encouraging brothers to inform potential wives if they're married already. But he had no choice but to inform us that there's no daleel that it's obligatory. I understand your concern over some people's misinterpretation of this fatwa. But hey what can we do? The words are there in black and white for everyone to read and understand. Allaahul Musta'aan.
It's just like the famous fatwa that gets passed around about bc pills, people use it to claim that the ulema say contraception in general is haraam. When the question and answer clearly speak about bc pills! PLUS, the companions used to practice coitus interruptus (withdrawal method) as contraception, and the prophet knew about it and never prohibited them from it.
My point in mentioning that is to stress the importance of reading comprehension skills, something many people lack these days.
walikomaasalam thekiyya and ummu rahma:
since you both hit the same areas, I'll combine my response. I can read between the lines and see the subtle differences that were established, I just don't fully agree with it. The shaykh didn't mention how what the man was asking is a form of deception, he merely said it would be "kind" of him not to act in such a way. That's where my problem comes from. I felt like when reading it that maybe inshallah the shaykh was trying to get out of the area the questioner put him into which was why I think and Allah knows best instead of really dealing with the question he established the situation about current wives not needing to be informed or have their permission sought. But that wasn't the questioner's question.
I understand that there were times that the prophet (saws) didn't inform his wives. But in those occassions we all know that there was no deception involved. Everyone knew the prophet (saws) was married even the disbelievers and ummahat fil Islam (raa) were always aware if not directly then indirectly that because of his position in the ummah (a statesmen and a prophet) that he was the "marrying" type as Allah had given him special provisions to marry as he liked. So again all of the Muslims knew the type of honorable man the prophet (saws) was and what his role and responsibility was to the ummah.
Let's go to Qur'an. Allah has forbidden deception. I can't even bring all of the ayaat that mentions deception in its many different forms and Allah has forbidden all of them.
The next issue that neither of you mentioned is that while there may not be any adilaa stating specifically that a man must be forthcoming about his marital status (i disagree since lying and deception is haraam this loop hole should be closed) how can we forget all of the adilaa regarding the rights of the Muslima, especially in the areas of marriage? This fatwa essentially removes the rights of the muslima to have control of who she marries.
I want to know how this hukm was established. If he made qiyas then what was the asl? Based of what and from where does a suitor have the right to decide shrewdly what information a woman who isn't even his wife yet or her wakil have the right to know? This is marriage we are talking about, right? Everything is suppose to be open, no shyness. Therefore, without any proof I don't see how this fatwa, delicately so, has approved and sanctioned deceiving Muslim women for the purposes of men being able to make a gain. Which Allah has already forbidden.
As Salaamu Alaikum:
The essence of a fatwa is that it is given from a major student of knowledge or from an 'Aalim based upon his knowledge and what he is acquainted with in regards to 'ilm. This is no belittlement because we are all fully aware of the different levels of 'ilm we find in the major students and the 'Ulamaa. With that having been said, fatawa are sometimes opinions and we know this to be true because there are differences of opinion on different matters. Matters upon which there is no doubt and the adilah for or against a matter is clearly established we get ijmaa, clear consensus.
The student has the ability to delve into the books and research various topics. From this research, he or she is able to derive a position based upon the adilah that through their research has proved to be the strongest. This is for the person who is a student. As for a general person who is really not traversing the path to seeking knowledge, it is no sin upon them if they decide in a matter to take Sheikh A's opinion over Sheikh B's opinion. When there is not precise and clear adilah on a subject the major students and the 'Ulamaa use their ijtihaad (opinions) on the matters to give a fatwa (ruling).
So in this case, Sheikh Bazmool gave a ruling based upon his understanding and the knowledge he has obtained on this topic. And again, this is not a belittlement of him at all. My point in all this is yes it can be a bit confusing to us when something is translated and the Sheikh did not bring all the daleel from which he arrived at his opinion. There are many different reasons why any scholar would not bring all the evidences from which his opinion was derived so I won’t get into that now. The point is there isn’t any clear text against it. His calling the men to fear Allah is most likely derived from the many ayat that you mentioned against deception and lying. Yet and still he did not mention that adilah either but it does not make it any less applicable hence him telling the men to fear Allah in these matters.
I mentioned in my first message that same ruling applies a woman disclosing her virginity to a potential husband before their marriage. She is not under any obligation to inform her potential husband that she is or is not a virgin and this is because there is not clear text that states that she has to. The same applies in the issue of the men disclosing their current marriage(s). It is the same thing. But what I was trying to explain to you is that this does not negate the fact that if she ASKS him is he married that he should tell the truth. This was not mentioned in the question or the answer. The question was is he under any OBLIGATION to disclose it. The question is more about is it compulsory for him to say it without being prompted. The Sheikh did not say that if a man in this situation is asked should he lie. This is not what he was saying and I think this is part of what you have a problem with.
The best thing the Sheikh can advise the men in these situations is to fear Allah. He is not going to shout from the top of his lungs this is wrong. All of that is summed up into “ITQILLAH!”. Also, we do not know the pitch of the Sheikh’s voice or anything when he answered the question. Maybe he was quite disturbed by it. All we have is a translation without hearing the words of the Sheikh to try to derive how he felt as he advised brothers in this situation. We cannot judge the Sheikh by these translated words as to how he feels in this situation. Questions and answers are usually limited to if there is any daleel in the situation and what is the result of applying that daleel. And yes, sometimes the mashaikh do not provide all the daleel in which case all we have to do is ask them to answer giving the clear daleel which in many cases may take a lot of time which many of them may or may not have when they begin answering the question.
You mentioned that there were rights of the muslimah, in your opinion, that were taken away. I wanted to know specifically what rights you meant. Do you mean the right for the women to know the truth? I don’t think he was saying we don’t have the right to that anymore then men do when in regards to withholding information (either before marriage concerning virginity, for example, or after marriage when it is permissible for a husband or a wife to lie to each other). We do have the right to know the truth and the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alahi wa sallam, never was deceptive in regards to his marriages to his other wives. It is just that circumstance may have caused him not to be able to tell them. We both mentioned this already and we definitely agree on it.
If men are marrying women by deception, and we both know that they are, then this is wrong and the Sheikh isn’t advocating for them to do this. He is admonishing them to fear Allah. To know Allah is to fear Him and to be advised to do this, especially by a person who has knowledge, is a very tremendous thing. Not something that should fall on deaf ears. But remember, the people who do not obey Allah and fear Him as He should be feared will be raised on the Day of Judgment deaf, dumb and blind. This may just be the situation of many of these brothers who choose not to fear Allah. He is only saying that it is not an INITIAL requirement for either woman (or women) to know. He doesn’t mean that this should be something that is CONTINUALLY hid from all the women involved. I think that would be a different question entirely. Just like Ummu Rahmah stated, we cannot control the fahim of the people and their application thereof. We have to strive to make sure OUR understanding and that of our families (husbands as well) is correct. Allah says in the Quraan that we need to save ourselves and our families from the fire whose fuel is men and stones. This is our first obligation. There are many fatawa out there that Muslims in general misinterpret and apply to suit them. We cannot control them but we can control ourselves.
We do have a right to control whom we marry. That is why it is incumbent upon us to ask the brothers very straight forward questions either directly or via our wakil. The wakil is suppose to check the potential husbands out and make sure his situation is what he says it is. Islamically, women aren’t to have this task all on our shoulders. Having a good wakil is the key to finding out the truth of the matter as well. But the most important thing is the istakharah because no matter what a potential spouse is hiding, Allah will reveal it as long as we trust in Him and ask Him sincerely for the guidance.
I hope this has been an aid to alleviate your feelings. I do know what you mean. Just because we can ascertain what the Mashaikh are trying to explain to us does not negate the fact that others will not fear Allah and take these fatawa for what they are and heed to the calls that the Mashaikh send out to the people to fear Allah. Wallahu ‘alam.
as salamu 'alaykum
we can not deny that we live in a time where polygany is being misused. either the best or worst of men involve themselves in this practice anymore. Unfortunately, i have seen too many bad ones and to many hurt women.
as far as comparing a person's virginity to if a person is already married I just don't get that.
Losing virginity outside of marriage is a sin. Allah has told us to conceal our sins and the sins of others. A person who has repented from that sin and seeking a halal relationship is no comparison to someone trying to lie about another halal relationship ie marriage. If you are doing something halal why lie? If you fear losing your family our your children so much then don't do it.
Musleema your comment "you don't have to tell that bint about your other bint and kids" not funny but made me laugh. I mean come on now...how can you hide siblings from your children. That's just wrong on so many levels.
Hmmmmmmmmm I'm off to work now.
Why is it that you sisters understand the Shaykh is encouraging lying? He is a Shaykh for God's Sake! Let's have the husn al-thann for someone in his position. Like, "Well, he is knowledgable, so, I'm sure he's not saying lying is okay. He's just saying a brother isn't obligated to offer the information without the sister or her wali asking." At least that's how I understood it.
Moreover, how could a shaykh tell someone to fear Allaah, and then tell them it's okay to lie, in the same fatwa.
I really think you guys are misunderstanding this.
Yes, it is a sad fact that many evil brothers WILL take the shaykh's words as an okay to lie. I'm not denying that. But Musleema, your issue is with the fatwa, moreso than brothers' interpretation of it, right?
Perhaps you can email bakkah.net, or get the shaykh's phone number (a lot of the shuyukh's telephone numbers in Saudia are public), to get some further clarity on the issue. I doubt it's what you're understanding it to be.
Allaahu A'lam.
I also wanted to know what rights you thought were being taken away from sisters, according to this fatwa?
Asiya
Ummu Rahma, wallah, I do have husnul thun for the shaykh. That is why I posted it. I was hoping as I said in the blog that maybe someone else could bring forth the adilaa that was not posted on bakkah.net or even provide a different opinion all together.
thekiyya claims that there is no text that states that a man must inform a potential wife that he is married unless she actually asks. I disagree, all of those ayaat and ahadeeth the forbid lying and deception is more than enough proof that one the believers are to be truthful (not truthful when they get caught up in a lie but truth from the beginning) and two that the believers are not deceptive. Anyone who wants to claim that the adilaa about lying and deception do not apply in the case of marriage have the burden of proof on them because these are basic principles in Islam.
Lying and deception is permissible in very few cases, and while in some cases a husband may lie or deceive his wife, I don't know of or from where a non mahram man would have the right to do this with a woman who isn't even his yet and to me this makes the case. A potential wife isn't a wife, she is his Muslim sister in Islam and Allah has forbid the believers from deceiving one another, especially if it is to make some gain over them (i.e taking her as his wife).
Do you see what I am saying Ummu Rahma, Allah and the rasul (saws) have already established that lying and deception in all forms except for the few exceptions is haraam. Therefore, I do not understand this fatwa and what is eating at me is the fact that the shaykh did encourage the brother to fear Allah and to be kind, but no mention of deception was brought up. If you have to forewarn to fear Allah, then it seems he understood that his hukm could lead to some harm.
I just think there needed to be a clearer mauw'itha, if not more to discourage the wrong doing by calling it by its name (deception) so brothers understood the serious line that they have the possibility of crossing if they don't head his warning to fear Allah. Without such this to me is a fatwa that can lead to a lot more wrong doing than good. Did not the rasul saws tell us to leave off things with doubt
Wallahul musta'aan, its a fatwa that saddens me a whole lot because i like the shaykh hafidhahullah, but hay im 9 mos pregnant today
Ummu Rahma the rights that I believe that are being taken away is the right to choose her mate and give her consent. You can't very well claim that a woman has a right to choose her mate and at the same time allow men to be deceptive because essentially, she isn't choosing based truth, only on whatever was shown to her, which usually is a lot different than how things are in reality.
Another problem is that many of the shayuk agree that it is a right of cowives to take and request blood tests before entering into polyganous marriages so that all parties know what the health of everyone is as the rasul (saws) has said that our bodies have rights over us and polyganous marriages have the potential to affect one health if one of the partners is ill. A sister who doesn't know her husband is married can't do that. She is left exposed to whatever the brother wants her to be exposed to. Not only that, I can't imagine the hurt one feels when finding out that they have been intimate with their husband who is being intimate with others that have no idea who they are or where they come from. It all seems very belittling to me, wallahul musta'aan.
About the guardian, I agree that it is their responsibility to check things out. Though we all know how crafty some Muslim men are. If the brother lives in a different state/country than the sister, she and the wali are not going to think of everything to ask the man regarding his situation because he is too far from them to even have a general idea of who he is and what he has going on. The suitor is suppose to tell the sister about who he is and what type of life he has honestly and then from there she can draw up questions. I know when I was accepting offers of marriage, my father never assumed a brother was married. We would ask him what his feelings on polygany were, but not"hey do you have wives in any states or countries brother?" that's seems oftly unnatural to me. I don't know? Times have changed within this ummah. What do you think?
I have to agree with Musleema.Not saying anything because the sister,wali didn't ask is a form of deception so even if some of us understood the fatwa that way its still wrong.Say for instance a muslim wants to sell his used car.In islam if he doesn't expose all the things thats wrong with that car then he is deceiving the muslim.I went to a car auction several times this summer in search of a car.Once you place a bid you pay $500 then the rest in 3 days or so.You know nothing about the car and its condition and you aren't allowed to test drive until after you put the $500 down which isn't refundable.I ended up getting this horrible van that kept cutting off.Needless to say I lost my $500 because I wasn't going to pay the rest for it and be out even more.The auction is very unfair.Anyway while I was there a muslim brother who was there to sell his van asked me if I was looking for one and I said yes.He quickly told me not to bid on his van because it was a bomb.He did that as to not not be deceitful with the muslims in a buss transaction.I was grateful he did that. We should be honest in our dealings with each other.
to ummabdurrahman
there are plenty,plenty of reasons a sister could not be a virgin that doesn't have anything to do with her sinning rape, incest,before Islam which is forgiven, or she could have been previously married and chose to hide that fact all together is that right?
hasnah:
this was stated by thekiyyah
"I mentioned in my first message that same ruling applies a woman disclosing her virginity to a potential husband before their marriage. She is not under any obligation to inform her potential husband that she is or is not a virgin and this is because there is not clear text that states that she has to."
if you see she was comparing a person who lost thieir virginity berfore marriage and not telling a future spouse to a person who lies about being married. she wasn't talking about a person who lost their virginity through marriage.
If a woman lies and doesnt tell a future spouse that she has been married before than it is just as much a deception if the man doesnt say he is married.
Polygyny is supposed to be about increasing the ummah and creating strong families built upon islamic morals. How does one go about building strong families when their is all this lying going on?
Back to work again, but hoping to finish reading thekiyyah's post in it's entiretly tomorrow inshaALlah
As Salaamu Alaikum:
Just for clarification, I was NOT talking about a woman who lost her virginity in any illegal way nor was I negating that altogether. Just like Hasnah said, there are many different reasons why a woman may not be a virgin. It isn’t limited to fornication or adultery.
My only point in bring up a woman disclosing her virginity is to show a point where a MUSLIMAH does not HAVE TO BE forthright with information that a brother would be VERY interested to know. Indeed the virginity question could make or break a marriage proposal. A brother could easily sit down with a sister and assume she is a virgin because of her circumstances. What I mean by this is that he could be thinking because she grew up in the Deen or is from a Muslim country or because she is young and has no children that she had not been previously married. If he doesn’t ask, it is not incumbent upon her to tell him. Believe me, men that get married thinking that their new wives are virgins get really hurt when the truth of the matter is revealed along with all the other details. A woman choosing not to disclose a previous MARRIAGE is hardly haram and this is just because there isn’t any daleel against it. Is it the best thing to do? Of course it isn’t. Is it deception? Yes it is. This is the case with a man withholding information from his current and potential wives. It has the potential to hurt these women and blow up in his face when the truth is exposed.
I get all the points that Musleema and others have put out there in terms of this particular fatwa being misused and I agree. But what I thought Musleema was asking was for us, as her sisters in this Deen, to read the fatwa and help her and others understand why the Sheikh may have said what HE said. Ummu Rahmah agreed with me early on that there isn’t any solid evidence and the Sheikh had to say that. I am not sure why some sisters here think I am the only one who said that. Yes, I agree there are many ayat where Allahu subhanahu wa ta’ala speaks out against oppression and deception. I agree with all of those ayat as daleel AGAINST lying/deception and I can’t answer as to why the Sheikh did not mention them in his answer. All I CAN do is try to see WHY he said what he did say. I NEVER said that men should lie to their wives. ‘Authobillah min thaalik. But yes, it is upon us to have husnul thun for the Sheikh and take this fatwa from him for what it is (HIS OPINION).
There are MANY fatawa out there similar to this on many different topics. Sometimes for us they do end up causing more fitnah but that is not the fault of the Shuyookh (the ones who have been established to be upon the haqq anyway). This is an OPINION. There is only the situation where the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam had married while on a journey was unable to inform his wives until he returned home which we all know was void of lying and deception. We all know that lying and deception is very wrong. And for those of us who have known of men who have gotten married in this manner, we know those marriages didn’t last and the women moved on to bigger and better things in their lives walhamdullilah. Or even in some cases it was found that there were other things of importance that the sisters chose not to disclose which may cause both the husband and the wife to leave the marriage feeling deceived.
The bottom line that we all agree with, meaning that we all feel, is that this is wrong and men should not do this. I or any other sister who tried to understand where the Sheikh was coming from is not advocating that men do this any more than I think the Sheikh was.
There is a sad portion of this Ummah that uses fatawa such as this one to oppress other Muslims. I mentioned this before. This is how you get everything from brothers marrying sisters and supporting them through THEIR welfare all the way to Muslims killing one another. This is a serious thing and the lack of understanding of many of us is causing us to fall deeper in to these types of situations and more. More so people fall into these things due to a sheer lack of taqwah. May Allah protect us all from oppression and give us fiqh in the Deen ameen.
Here is a fatwa where the Sheikh says the man is obliged to tell his wife:
Question:
I have a problem with my marriage. I converted to Islam 12 years ago, before I met and married my husband. I am his second wife. The problem is that my husband has a habit of getting married in secret (to a third wife) without informing any of his relatives or me and the first wife. He likes to keep the third wife secret because usually she is not muslim. He might stay with this woman for a year or two until they split up and then in time he will find someone else. Since I have been with him he has had 3 other woman. I find out that he is with someone when he starts not coming home at night or he travels abroad without telling anyone. He just disapears for 1 or 2 weeks without informing his family. Dispite this he will deny to everyone that he is with another woman. I get so depressed cause I never know whem my husband is gonna stay the night in my house and I know his first wife feels like I do too. I have seen some scholars say that this kind of secret marriage is halal but how can it be when the husband has to lie so much and the wives end up being so deppressed. Don,t woman have the right to know how many wives their husbands have. When my husband only has me and his first wife he is so nice and equal and we are so happy but things change when he gets married in secret again. Please note that he never has documents for the marriages. Please can you help me with this. I need to know if what he is doing is wrong. I know that there are many other woman in my situation because scholars have said these marriages are halal so now lots of men are doing it. But it just encourages men to lie and be unfair and women feel depressed and it really damages the family unit. I have 6 small kids and it has affected us all.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The husband is not obliged to tell his wives that he is going to get married, but if he does get married he is obliged to tell them, because not telling them may make them suspect that he is having illicit relationships, and because they have the right to ask him to be just in dividing his time. When she knows that he has taken another wife, she will understand that the new wife has the same rights as the wives he married before her.
Secondly:
The husband has to fear Allaah and treat his wives equally. The justice that is required between all his wives has to do with maintenance, accommodation and staying overnight.
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan (may Allaah preserve him) said:
The sharing that is required has to do with spending the night. So you have to divide your time between them. The same applies to maintenance, accommodation and clothing. It is essential to be fair in these matters, by giving each of them sufficient accommodation, food, drink and clothing. You must also divide your time fairly among your wives. This is the justice that is enjoined by Allaah in the verse (interpretation of the meaning):
“…then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one …”
[al-Nisa’ 4:3]
al-Muntaqa min Fataawa al-Shaykh al-Fawzaan (5/question no. 384)
For more information please see the answer to question no. 10091.
Thirdly:
Men must fear Allaah with regard to women, and they must remember that people trust them because of their outward religious commitment and adherence to the Sunnah. When one of them asks for a woman, she is given to him on the basis of his outward righteousness and religious commitment. So let him beware of taking advantage of these outward Islamic practices to toy with people’s honour by taking their daughters then giving them back when he has fulfilled their desires. Let him beware lest he becomes the cause of some of them apostatizing or becoming sick or following a path of deviation. We do not think that any of these men would agree to anyone doing that to his daughter or sister, so how can he agree to that being done to other people’s daughters?
Let him beware of exploiting people’s weakness and need by offering money and tempting her family with it. This is contrary to chivalry and good morals. We do not think that these people would be able to do the same with the daughters of prominent figures or the daughters of their paternal uncles or other relatives. If the marriage was legitimate then it did not work out and he divorced her, we would not denounce their actions, but if the marriage is for the purpose of satisfying desires, with the aim of changing her after a while, this is a kind of fooling around which is not approved of in Islam; it is a mut’ah marriage or virtually mut’ah marriage. Hence you will not find these people looking for women who are religiously committed, rather they will marry a woman for her beauty even if she is has not completed her ‘iddah, or even if she is well known for her immoral ways, then he will fulfil his desire with her in a hotel for three days and this playboy will not pay any attention to her religious commitment or honour, and she will never be his permanent wife or the mother of his children, so why worry?
There follows a fatwa issued by the scholars of the Standing Committee responding to such actions and explaining the ruling on such marriages:
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked: It has become common among young men to travel abroad to get married with the intention of getting divorced, and this marriage is the purpose for which they travel, based on a fatwa that deals with this issue, but many people misunderstand the fatwa. What is the ruling on this?
They replied:
Getting married with the intention of divorce is a temporary marriage, and a temporary marriage is an invalid marriage, because it is mut’ah, and mut’ah is haraam by consensus. Valid marriage is where a man gets married with the intention of keeping his wife and staying with her if she proves to be a good wife and he gets along with her, otherwise he may divorce her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness” [al-Baqarah 2:229].
And Allaah is the Source of strength. May Allaah send blessing and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah Aal al-Shaykh, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (18/448, 449).
There are scholars who issued fatwas allowing that to people studying or working in western countries who feared that they may commit haraam actions, so such a person may get married even if he has the intention of getting divorced. But Allaah may decree that they have children and he may grow attached to them and their mother. Allaah may decree that they get along well so the marriage lasts. The fatwa is not aimed at those who travel with the purpose of getting married. The fatwa is not aimed at those who go for two nights to a poor land and take the virginity of one or more females. If a person cannot control himself during a two-day trip – some of which is for da’wah and charity work – then it is haraam for him to travel at all. Let the wise scholar look at the implications of what he says in his fatwas and what he does, and the effects that that will have on Islam, for Islam is not distorted by its enemies so much as it is distorted by the deeds and attitudes of its own followers.
The Muslim to whom Allaah grants one wife or more should praise Allaah and be grateful to Him. He must pay attention to them and his children, so that he will give them a proper Islamic upbringing and education. He should not show ingratitude for this blessing by leaving his wives and children with no guidance and education, looking for fleeting pleasures that do not lead to the establishment of a family or happiness, let alone leading to him wronging himself, his wives and his children.
There is no reason why he should not get married in the proper manner, because Islam allows him to marry four wives, but he should also remember that Islam encourages marrying religiously-committed women, because she will be his honour, the mother of his children, the protector of his household and wealth, and the one who will raise his children. It is not befitting for a Muslim to forget the aims and rulings of marriage and go looking to satisfy his desire here and there, then have the audacity to attribute his actions to Islam!
This husband should look at the effects of his actions – he is lying, not giving his wives their rights, not treating them and the one whom he marries fairly. He should also examine his motives in choosing the wife whom he intends to divorce. If he makes a good choice then he should look at the impact he will leave behind on her and her family. He should remember that he is a Muslim who represents Islam and Islamic rulings and morals, especially if the matter has to do with trust based on his appearance or his outwardly seeming to be righteous, for he will be the cause of people no longer trusting others like him, even if it does not lead to something worse than that.
We have heard of the bad effects of marrying with the intention of divorce, which makes the Muslim feel certain that even if the scholars say that it is permissible in some cases, they should disallow it or at least stop saying that it is permissible. Some of these wives have had their honour impugned after they were married to men who appeared outwardly to be righteous, but when they had satisfied their desires in a hotel in her country, they gave her the second part of the mahr or a little bit of money and sent her back to her family, divorced. In some cases, the family trusted this “outwardly righteous man” and gave their daughter – and their honour – to him without any official marriage contract, trusting that he would do the proper contract in his own country. Then he fulfilled his desire with her and sent her back to her family as a previously-married woman after taking her as a virgin. Now look at the situation of the family: how can they face their neighbours and relatives? What will they say to them? Has honour become like a car to be rented then given back at the end of the stipulated period? Do these people not fear that Allaah will punish them with regard to their daughters and sisters?
When some of these women find out that their time with this husband is up, they plead with the husband not to divorce them and to take them to his home land – as he made them believe – as his servant or as a servant for his wives and children. They say that if they go back they will be faced with mistreatment from their relatives and neighbours, which may end with their being killed. But this “outwardly righteous man” refuses these requests and pays no attention to her weeping and pleas.
One woman found that her time was up and her husband divorced her, so she called her brother to take her to her family, and all she could do was tell people that he had died in a car accident, so as to protect her honour from being impugned. And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek and in Whom we put our trust.
And Allaah knows best.
thekiyyah. wow i must be dyslexic or something. wallahi i misread so many things lately. I reread the quote I posted and, as i'm sure you're aware of, you're right.
For some reason I thought you were talking about a woman who loses her virginity before marriage.
As Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakaatuhu:
Umm Abdur Rahmaan, MashaAllah la bas fee hatha. I just wanted to clear things up since sometimes things may not come out the way you intend them to when you are writing. I hope that you all forgive me if anything I wrote came off as offensive.
Jazakumallahu khairan Hasnah for posting that most beneficial clarification. MashaAllah, this was a great na'mah that you found this particular fatwa and that this can be used as fuel against those people who do not have taqwah. By the way, where did you find it?
And to Musleema, may Allahu Subhanahu wa ta'ala bless you and your family with ease and grant you a righteous son allahumma ameen yaa rabil 'aalameen.
"It is not a required condition to marry a second wife that one must inform her of an existing marriage. However, from good manners of living together, and from the ettiquettes of cooperation upon good things, is that she should be informed. I am not saying that a man must seek permission from his wife (to marry a second wife), but she should be informed."
how can it be?????????
"There is no daleel that states that a man has to inform any wife that he is married or is getting married."
how can it be???????
Sometimes...i'm starting to think we just live in an era where we gota really protect our own brain.
I don't know who these types of brothers are, and I'm very glad for that(i only hear of 'them' on the internet), but like one of you said, I don't know if this is about following a fatwa anyway. This is just about legitimizing what you wana do in any way possible. from what i've read about 'these' types of brothers on sisters' blogs, it seems like these guys can't support one wife and kids properly, so two is a far cry. At the end of the day, instead of blaming brothers and focusing on that after the damage has been done, why not focus on making sure SISTERS are educated/made aware of how to make a good choice for a man. If a man is gona put you on welfare, and just doesn't seem so respectful about women's rights and is all about 'rights/responsiblities', stay away. I say the 'rights/responsibilities' part because some of these types of people sometimes (it seems) forget that being NICE is also part of the deen. EVVVVerything is not bout obligation/contract. This is not how a succesful marriage is built. You work within the guidelines but if everytime a new issue comes up, you pull out your fiqh book and can't use common sense and the most important teachings of islam, yur gona be living one miserable life.
I kinda tend to agree with musleema here.
Be warned, sisters.
Do your best to marry a man with good manners and the spirit of cooperation.
If man expresses an interest in a married woman, does she have an obligation to let him know that she is someone elses's wife? Ok, we all know the answer to that question. You do not have to be a sheikh, an imam or a student of Islam 101 to know that a lie is a lie and lying, deception and distrust are from shaitan. As long as so-called leaders/sheikhs/alims provide information/make fatwas such as this that encourages the abuse of a family, not just a woman, we are going to suffer as an ummah. And the next time someone writes, speaks or comments in a negative manner about Islam or the Muslim community, think back to this article and remember that they may very well have a point. A man has an obligation to treat his wives fairly and equitably. If I know I am married to a man, shouldn't his other wife/wives know this too. Fifteen or twenty years from now it may also benefit the children of the marriage to know who their half-siblings are in order to avoid incest. In an era of serious STDs, HIV and Hepatitis C, everyone should know who their partner is or has been sleeping with. I would like to say there is no disrespect to the person who made the fatwa, but I would not be honest if I did so. Did not the Prophet say that there are no secret marriages. Well, if I don't know my husband is married to another woman, that's a pretty big secret. This whole topic is another reason why many of us are embarassed to say we are Muslim. Not a reflection of our love for Allah, but our dismay of those who claim to be our brothers and sisters and more importantly our leaders. Have that many people missed out or have no idea what family life is suppose to be like, what marriage is suppose to be based on and how commuities grow and prosper. You do not need a degree or to be a hafiz or muhadith to know right from wrong, a lie from the truth. May Allah give us leadership that is intelligent and an ummah that is gracious, courteous and kind. [Remember the woman who questioned Umar!]
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