First, why post anonymously if you really intend for me to take you seriously? Strange...
But, I'l reply and say I love Safa, solely for the sake of Allah. I hate what she went through. I hate that she was hurt, that her children were hurt and that her deen was hurt! It was and I know I was only one of many who pleaded with her to live - not to destroy the marriage, but to help try to safe guard her deen. Deen is not constant. Eman is not constant. To many battles and we all can lost our way. That's not a chance, that I think I will never take, but of of course, that's enshallah.
I used Safa as an example because she has and is using herself as an example. She has spoken to the media and is online therefore, I would hope she would not be offended at my using her as the example she has already made herself.
Quite frankly though, this topic is bigger than Safa. We need to get real; as Muslim sisters, mothers, wives and daughters. We need to examine the choices that we are making in our lives and the lasting side effects they will create.
What is the real outcomes of polygyny? Is it something that all Muslim women should "try"? Do you have the responsibility to know whether your strong enough or too weak to endure polygyny? Should Muslim men have free reign to subject their wives to polygyny?? What is what?
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Polygyny & lessons learned from Safa (her blog)
Well, this is a conversation that is long over due and I don't know if some one has already discussed it, but let's get real: Does polygyny weakened the faith of Muslim women?
Before I answer that let's go to back to lessons learned from Safa's blog. You know I've been missing from the blogger ummah for some time. I was called back to the site by one name: Safa. We all love this sister for the sake of Allah. We read every blog with her and cried (atleast, I did). We begged her to get away from her Egyptian husband who was treating her like crap with polygynous marriage from Hell. We all prayed for her safety.
Alhamduleelah, our prayers were answered, right? Safa went back to Canada. She's divorcing her husband and building a new life....oh, yeah, the new life doesn't include much Islam?!? Shocked? I'm not!
Despite Safa's age and the years she spent as a practicing Muslim woman, there was something very obvious to me and I hope it was very obvious to you as well. Safa loved her husband too much. Worst, he didn't deserve her love. After jumping feet first into polygyny he wasnt much of a Muslim man; he hardly took care of his kids, he never showed fairness or justice. He left Safa to fend for herself. She didn't get anything out of his plural marriage except a bunch propolygyny banter of good deeds. Sorry, good deeds aren't enough for most today to stay sane. The brain is interesting muscle. Exposing it to too much bad stuff: stress, anxiety, heartache - and you and I and us all could destroy it's health.
Allah says in sura Al Baqarah that the Qur'an was sent to those who think.....you can't do to much thinking Muslims if your mind is constantly dealing with sharp emotional troubles. But we Muslim are told and expected to expose our minds to the harshest of emotional turmoil ---- when supposedly we are already known to be the emotional ones? Does this make sense?
It doesnt make sense. And its not natural and it WILL affect your deen - if not KILL your deen.
Back to that question: Does polygyny weakened the faith of Muslim women?
Are you a woman who loves hard and wears her emotions on her sleeve? Are you "in love" with love? Is your husband the only man you've ever been with for 10 plus years?
The the answer is: IT CAN! IT CERTAINLY CAN! If you know you cant handle polygyny, dont let some fool talk you into going into it, even if your already married!! Why, because your mental health is directly tied to your deen's health! If Safa is not a good enough example of how mental health is tied to deen health, then take a good trip back down memory lane to sister Myra Morton of PA's case. Another elder in the community, married over 20 years, a good mother, a nurse and strict in her deen, maashallah -- now her husband is dead and she sits in a federal prison.
Let's start talking about what is really happening to us as Muslim women, let's be honest. Let's not shoulder pain by our self....BUT before we can do that, we have to be honest with ourselves. We have to love ourselves and most importantly love Allah more than any other being. Don't give up on Allah, because He is Al Haqq and Ar Rahman. Give up your loser men, stop marrying these low down brothers (and low down isn't just in the West sisters)! Stop putting sex over sanity!! Stop putting shortchanging your children on full time fathers. Stop crying yourselves to sleep while your children listen.
Learn lessons from others!
Before I answer that let's go to back to lessons learned from Safa's blog. You know I've been missing from the blogger ummah for some time. I was called back to the site by one name: Safa. We all love this sister for the sake of Allah. We read every blog with her and cried (atleast, I did). We begged her to get away from her Egyptian husband who was treating her like crap with polygynous marriage from Hell. We all prayed for her safety.
Alhamduleelah, our prayers were answered, right? Safa went back to Canada. She's divorcing her husband and building a new life....oh, yeah, the new life doesn't include much Islam?!? Shocked? I'm not!
Despite Safa's age and the years she spent as a practicing Muslim woman, there was something very obvious to me and I hope it was very obvious to you as well. Safa loved her husband too much. Worst, he didn't deserve her love. After jumping feet first into polygyny he wasnt much of a Muslim man; he hardly took care of his kids, he never showed fairness or justice. He left Safa to fend for herself. She didn't get anything out of his plural marriage except a bunch propolygyny banter of good deeds. Sorry, good deeds aren't enough for most today to stay sane. The brain is interesting muscle. Exposing it to too much bad stuff: stress, anxiety, heartache - and you and I and us all could destroy it's health.
Allah says in sura Al Baqarah that the Qur'an was sent to those who think.....you can't do to much thinking Muslims if your mind is constantly dealing with sharp emotional troubles. But we Muslim are told and expected to expose our minds to the harshest of emotional turmoil ---- when supposedly we are already known to be the emotional ones? Does this make sense?
It doesnt make sense. And its not natural and it WILL affect your deen - if not KILL your deen.
Back to that question: Does polygyny weakened the faith of Muslim women?
Are you a woman who loves hard and wears her emotions on her sleeve? Are you "in love" with love? Is your husband the only man you've ever been with for 10 plus years?
The the answer is: IT CAN! IT CERTAINLY CAN! If you know you cant handle polygyny, dont let some fool talk you into going into it, even if your already married!! Why, because your mental health is directly tied to your deen's health! If Safa is not a good enough example of how mental health is tied to deen health, then take a good trip back down memory lane to sister Myra Morton of PA's case. Another elder in the community, married over 20 years, a good mother, a nurse and strict in her deen, maashallah -- now her husband is dead and she sits in a federal prison.
Let's start talking about what is really happening to us as Muslim women, let's be honest. Let's not shoulder pain by our self....BUT before we can do that, we have to be honest with ourselves. We have to love ourselves and most importantly love Allah more than any other being. Don't give up on Allah, because He is Al Haqq and Ar Rahman. Give up your loser men, stop marrying these low down brothers (and low down isn't just in the West sisters)! Stop putting sex over sanity!! Stop putting shortchanging your children on full time fathers. Stop crying yourselves to sleep while your children listen.
Learn lessons from others!
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