Question:
What is the ruling on a woman hating polygyny because of jealousy, since jealousy is something natural in women, and we read of the jealousy of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) concerning the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)? So where do we stand? I have learned from reading some books that hating one of the rulings of sharee’ah is tantamount to kufr.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
A woman’s jealousy concerning her husband is something that is innate and natural, and you cannot tell a woman, “Do not feel jealous over your husband.” If a person dislikes something even though it is prescribed in sharee’ah, that does not adversely affect him, so long as he does not hate the fact that it is prescribed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
Jihaad (holy fighting in Allaah’s Cause) is ordained for you (Muslims) though you dislike it, and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you…” [al-Baqarah 2:216]
The woman who feels jealous does not hate the fact that Allaah has allowed her husband to marry more than one woman, but she hates to have a co-wife. There is an obvious difference between the two matters. Hence I hope that the brother who has asked this question, and other people, will think carefully about matters and not rush to judgement; I hope that that they will recognize the subtle differences whereby rulings differ.
From the fatwas of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen for al-Da’wah magazine
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4 comments:
I know I fall in the category of hating to have a co wife......SubhanAllah...and that isn't the half of it.
Those are your feelings and mine as well... no need to lie or hide it. We are a diverse ummah. Shaykh al Uthaymeen (rh) who was one our greatest aalim of this time said, " If a person dislikes something even though it is prescribed in sharee’ah, that does not adversely affect him."
Alhamdulilah, for the people of ahlul ilm
I don't think I will ever find a sister to my specifications. If I let my hubby pick a sisterwife for me I would hate it. I do agree with how you feel.
Keltic, you write as if the only women in the world who go through such turmoil are Muslim women. That's just not true. Self esteem and co-dependecy issues affect women from all walks of life.
Last time I looked, Islam is the only religion that maintains it as a right that men can enjoy multiple women (under the guise of marriage..4? though I hear men often divorce just the 4th wife when they want a newer, younger model..I guess, the 4th is the 'revolving' one.
Also this is the man's right (although it is advised it would be "nicer" if he gets the wife's permission but that's not obligatory... So sure, women the world over suffer from self-esteem issues and co-dependancy hang-ups..you're right ..but wouldn't you admit it's a lot more common with Muslim women who end up in these circumstance..they can't even yell at their husbands for being a cheater and a user..somehow they have been brainwashed into thinking they are wrong for feeling jealous...so sad...really, my heart breaks for the suffering of these already low-esteem women..it's like heaping coals on coals...she thinks I'm not woman enough for this man and I'm also not a good Muslim cause I'm feeling jealous and angry...I cannot beleve you guys really believe this deep in your heart...
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