"The month of Ramadan in which was revealed the Qur'an, a guidance for mankind and clear proofs for the guidance and the criterion (between right and wrong). So whoever of you sights (the crescent on the first night of) the month (of Ramadhan i.e. is present at his home), he must observe fasts that month, and whoever is ill or on a journey, the same number (of days which one did not observe fasts must be made up) from other days. Allah intends for you ease, and He does not want to make things difficult for you. (He wants that you) must complete the same number (of days), and that you must magnify Allah ( i.e. to say Takbir (Allahu Akbar; Allah is the Most Great) for having guided you so that you may be grateful to Him."
(Al-Baqarah 2:185)
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
The best of me
As I made my way through the Muslimah Bloghood this week, I came across some postings that have just bogged my mind and weighed upon it heavily. I don't know any way to aide those who need help except through beseeching Alla's help for them - so I pray Allah eases the affairs of the Muslims. I pray Allah gives victory to the oppressed. I pray Allah strenghtens the weak and humbles those who think they are strong. And I pray Allah raises the status of all Muslim women in this life and in the hereafter.
Whilst I was drawing up my conditions for living with my husband (in the case he should ever marry again) in his country, the things that I needed to convey poured out from me easily, bi'ithnillah. Subhannallah, I remember thinking how good it felt to say the things I needed and the things I did not, Alhamdulilah. Yes, my heart gets heavy at times when I think of the possibility of enforcing my contract on my husband and the outcome that would have on us. Though I know my heart, mind, soul and body would suffer in the end if I don't handle these issues now and look out for the best of me and my needs for living my own life in worship to Allah in the future. The future is that we all will meet Allah alone on a day when friendships in this life will not protect us. Writing a this new contract is about setting myself up in an situation where I can get the most benefit. It is about honesty. It is about survival. We all have basic necessities that we need in order to ultimately keep our duty to Allah. This has to come first. Wallahi, it has to. If you don't have peace of mind, how can you worship Allah- whether you are male or female. And as a female this is even more important, I think. Lots of times I have to remind my husband of the seriousness of the responsibility that Allah has placed on the woman. Yes, the men have been given more, but that doesn't negate or lessen the things that Allah has entrusted to us.The managing of the home, tending the husband's needs, cooking, keeping relations with her parents as well as any inlaws, and the rearing of her children-if she has any. I don't have children yet, inshallah, later. Though clearly anyone can see that with a schedule like this, the Muslim woman is someone who has to have a sturdy, durable character. She doesn't just have to be fit physically, but emotionally too. The responsibility is non stop. There are no breaks. There is always something to do for others. Yet, it is a must that you find time to nourish yourself.
What is nourishment? I think this is an important question. We are not all the same. Salat and siyam and dhikr we all can use, Alhamdulilah. And without a doubt these are the best nourishments anyone can have at their disposal. But is that it? Of course not. A nice, encouraging or even romantic conversation/night with one's spouse can do wonders for our mind and soul. Exercise of any kind helps, good friendships helps, loving family relationships help - anything that is halal (permissible) that helps to bring out the best of you, should be utilized to keep us healthy, inside and out. Why? Because our goal has to be to always be in state of mind where we can be pleasing to Allah.
Although, in the same way that things can nourish us, other things can be negatively draining on us. I was speaking with my husband on the phone late one night and he was telling me about how a brother we know is an only child. This man is almost 40, Mashallah and he is the most dutiful son I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, Alhamdulilah. His mother loves him crazy and has always been very upfront with him that he is all Allah has given her. She reared him to respect her much. A year ago this man got married. He got himself a young bride and she moved from her country to her husbands'. She depended mostly on her husband because she knew no one. The mother liked the wife but subhanallah, for some reason she just didn't know how to develop a healthy relationship. Instead of pushing her son to spend time with his new bride she demanded he spend more and more time away. This had recently caused the couple a lot of discord. The husband felt stuck. The bride felt neglected. The mother just needed her way. So during our talk my husband was telling how the young bride has since returned her own country and her husband was strucken with a lot grief, but had agreed to the separation. I was so heart broken to hear this, but when I thought of this young Muslimah deciding to return to own family rather than stay with the man she loves, I thought, WOW, Mashallah, what a strong Muslimah she is! I know many Muslim women double her age who after many, many years of varying degrees of treatment that wasn't nourishing for them choose to continue to stay time and time again. The love their husband throgh the thick, the thin, the ugly, the downright stupid and the outright abuse. Yes, wallahi, I know, it is their choice to make. I don't fault them for making a choice. Though, Allah has given us choice for a reason. Always this reason is for us to choose to be pleasing to Him, not anyone or anything else. This young Muslim of 20 years of age saw that her husband was unable to be give her what she needed in terms of the way she wanted to be loved and the time she needed for companionship (which are necessities in any marriage), so she took the high road and left. May be things could have gotten better with a lot of struggle, Allah know best, but we all know how mother in laws like that can be - they're going fight you all the way to the end. It's not beneficial to go through all of that. Now, her husband is looking for employment in his wife's country and has agreed that she can stay with her family until he moves there because that would be a better arrangement. Inshallah, Allah will grant him something soon.
See but that's what I mean about things being draining. Only we know what we can take. No one else can or should tell you how much you need to take to be drained before you had enough - UNLESS, you in a life or death situation. By all means, someone must intervene. Though ordinarily that isn't the case. I know some men with wicked short tempers, they can't take even a simple ..but from their children or spouse without losing their cool. And this type of behavior is diffinately not from the best of the Muslim men, but realistically, there are many Muslim men who exist in this world like that. And then their are those Muslim men who no matter what the wife or children says or does he isn't bothered or worried in the least, everything is its just Mashallah.
In between those two extremes is a middle that most people, not just Musims, fall into. Know your limits. Know what pleases you. Know what angers you. Know what calms you. Know you. Know the best of you. Nourish the best of you. Love the best of you. Encourage the best of you. And always stand up for the best of you. In return, I've found that if you can do that for you, you'll be better equiped to handle your obligations to your family, friends and most importantly your obligations to Allahuta'ala.
May Allahutala increase us all in good, strong character and make our speech and actions only for His sake.
Whilst I was drawing up my conditions for living with my husband (in the case he should ever marry again) in his country, the things that I needed to convey poured out from me easily, bi'ithnillah. Subhannallah, I remember thinking how good it felt to say the things I needed and the things I did not, Alhamdulilah. Yes, my heart gets heavy at times when I think of the possibility of enforcing my contract on my husband and the outcome that would have on us. Though I know my heart, mind, soul and body would suffer in the end if I don't handle these issues now and look out for the best of me and my needs for living my own life in worship to Allah in the future. The future is that we all will meet Allah alone on a day when friendships in this life will not protect us. Writing a this new contract is about setting myself up in an situation where I can get the most benefit. It is about honesty. It is about survival. We all have basic necessities that we need in order to ultimately keep our duty to Allah. This has to come first. Wallahi, it has to. If you don't have peace of mind, how can you worship Allah- whether you are male or female. And as a female this is even more important, I think. Lots of times I have to remind my husband of the seriousness of the responsibility that Allah has placed on the woman. Yes, the men have been given more, but that doesn't negate or lessen the things that Allah has entrusted to us.The managing of the home, tending the husband's needs, cooking, keeping relations with her parents as well as any inlaws, and the rearing of her children-if she has any. I don't have children yet, inshallah, later. Though clearly anyone can see that with a schedule like this, the Muslim woman is someone who has to have a sturdy, durable character. She doesn't just have to be fit physically, but emotionally too. The responsibility is non stop. There are no breaks. There is always something to do for others. Yet, it is a must that you find time to nourish yourself.
What is nourishment? I think this is an important question. We are not all the same. Salat and siyam and dhikr we all can use, Alhamdulilah. And without a doubt these are the best nourishments anyone can have at their disposal. But is that it? Of course not. A nice, encouraging or even romantic conversation/night with one's spouse can do wonders for our mind and soul. Exercise of any kind helps, good friendships helps, loving family relationships help - anything that is halal (permissible) that helps to bring out the best of you, should be utilized to keep us healthy, inside and out. Why? Because our goal has to be to always be in state of mind where we can be pleasing to Allah.
Although, in the same way that things can nourish us, other things can be negatively draining on us. I was speaking with my husband on the phone late one night and he was telling me about how a brother we know is an only child. This man is almost 40, Mashallah and he is the most dutiful son I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, Alhamdulilah. His mother loves him crazy and has always been very upfront with him that he is all Allah has given her. She reared him to respect her much. A year ago this man got married. He got himself a young bride and she moved from her country to her husbands'. She depended mostly on her husband because she knew no one. The mother liked the wife but subhanallah, for some reason she just didn't know how to develop a healthy relationship. Instead of pushing her son to spend time with his new bride she demanded he spend more and more time away. This had recently caused the couple a lot of discord. The husband felt stuck. The bride felt neglected. The mother just needed her way. So during our talk my husband was telling how the young bride has since returned her own country and her husband was strucken with a lot grief, but had agreed to the separation. I was so heart broken to hear this, but when I thought of this young Muslimah deciding to return to own family rather than stay with the man she loves, I thought, WOW, Mashallah, what a strong Muslimah she is! I know many Muslim women double her age who after many, many years of varying degrees of treatment that wasn't nourishing for them choose to continue to stay time and time again. The love their husband throgh the thick, the thin, the ugly, the downright stupid and the outright abuse. Yes, wallahi, I know, it is their choice to make. I don't fault them for making a choice. Though, Allah has given us choice for a reason. Always this reason is for us to choose to be pleasing to Him, not anyone or anything else. This young Muslim of 20 years of age saw that her husband was unable to be give her what she needed in terms of the way she wanted to be loved and the time she needed for companionship (which are necessities in any marriage), so she took the high road and left. May be things could have gotten better with a lot of struggle, Allah know best, but we all know how mother in laws like that can be - they're going fight you all the way to the end. It's not beneficial to go through all of that. Now, her husband is looking for employment in his wife's country and has agreed that she can stay with her family until he moves there because that would be a better arrangement. Inshallah, Allah will grant him something soon.
See but that's what I mean about things being draining. Only we know what we can take. No one else can or should tell you how much you need to take to be drained before you had enough - UNLESS, you in a life or death situation. By all means, someone must intervene. Though ordinarily that isn't the case. I know some men with wicked short tempers, they can't take even a simple ..but from their children or spouse without losing their cool. And this type of behavior is diffinately not from the best of the Muslim men, but realistically, there are many Muslim men who exist in this world like that. And then their are those Muslim men who no matter what the wife or children says or does he isn't bothered or worried in the least, everything is its just Mashallah.
In between those two extremes is a middle that most people, not just Musims, fall into. Know your limits. Know what pleases you. Know what angers you. Know what calms you. Know you. Know the best of you. Nourish the best of you. Love the best of you. Encourage the best of you. And always stand up for the best of you. In return, I've found that if you can do that for you, you'll be better equiped to handle your obligations to your family, friends and most importantly your obligations to Allahuta'ala.
May Allahutala increase us all in good, strong character and make our speech and actions only for His sake.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Our duty is to Allaah
“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).
And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine”
[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]
And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine”
[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]
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